EASED ON DOWN TO THE KEY (334 Miles)

Woke early mainly due to the promise of a decent free breakfast. Back at the same table as the evening before, looking out at the lake.

Most hotels provide a continental breakfast. This one did cooked food!

In an adjacent booth a number of soldiers in fatigues were choffing on their links.

Americans are very caring about their Veterans. There are memorials everywhere. They have a lot of discounts given to them in shops and restaurants. You can hear it and read it in the advertising.

Why not? We could take a leaf from their book; rather than organising a few parades, maybe some tax breaks and some discounts would not go amiss.

Perhaps there are some in place and I don’t know about them. However, I have never read or heard, for instance, an ad for a vehicle discount for servicemen. Correct me, if I am wrong.

Just before I came away I took my car to be serviced and, as I was waiting, I noticed a soldier also waiting. He was in a wheelchair and only had the one arm left. He had lost three limbs. I felt very small and humble.

It was about 7am. I was feeling mellow as I was just waking up and had ordered sausage hash browns and scrambled eggs, with coffee and Florida Orange juice, of course.

My reverie was broken when the plate arrived and the waitress said:

“THERE YOU GO!”

Wow! She was loud for first thing. Perhaps she was getting into Full Metal Jacket mode for the troops.

Chant: “Its breakfast time and what we want?

Sausages and coffee hot”

A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four!

When my heart rate had slowed and my ears had stopped ringing, I casually glanced out of the window. In the shallows of the lake shore, about twenty feet away, I noticed an alligator.

I looked at him and he looked at me. I am five foot 6 and half. He was probably two feet judging by the size of his head.

“If push comes to shove you can have one slice of wheat toast. Sausages you are going to have to fight me for.”

Finished up, showered, got into the car and headed south. (to see the map of my journey so far, click here)

The Everglades. I have read and heard so much about them.

There is an awful lot of stuff creeping and slithering around in there. You don’t want to mess with them. There are signs everywhere telling you what to watch out for. Just as signs and literature in Yellowstone and Yosemite tell you not to approach the animals. The same is true of the Everglades.

The visitor’s centres I visited. (Hell, that is why they call them that. Although, there were some signage problems later in the day so stay tuned). There, they show you pictures of the several types of brightly coloured venomous snakes and the one that isn’t. I bet the lone softy has esteem problems.

The difficulty with the chart in the window was that, either due to fading or the fact it was supposed to be like that, the pictures of the deadly serpents were in black and white!

Incidentally, stay at least five feet away from Alligators as they are “opportunistic feeders”.

FIVE FEET!!! Fifty yards more like.

In the local vernacular: “I ain’t lettin’ no ‘gator get all opportunistic on my ass!”

Some friends of mine told me of one man who was flying a light aircraft at night over the Everglades whilst on holiday from the UK. It developed engine trouble. So terrified was he that he was physically sick.

He knew what was down there and it was waiting for him.

The smells are interesting and, from time to time, the swamp opens out into rather ordinary country with the cattle . Plus, there are still plenty of orange groves.

People are out there kayaking . Hiking and going on airboat trips. I wonder what if must be like as a parent in this area when your kids want to go out to play.

We worry about traffic. They must worry about their kids being carried off by opportunistic Alligators!

A couple of hours of this and then it was time to brave the Keys; a load of small islands linked to each other via causeways. The sea is shallow and a wonderful blue. I will take some pictures so I can show you on the way back. I am now, as I write this, as far south in the US as it is possible to get, having travelled 5181 miles from Seattle albeit via a none-too-direct route.

Everywhere you looked there were boats and houses. If you are looking for peace and tranquillity this is not the place to be. Every Key/Cay was jammed with motels and boatyards. I was very envious of the boats, though, as I love being on the water.

Also the thought of being out all day fishing (even though I have never fished in my life) is very enticing.

I have been noticing, over the miles, the roadside memorials to accident victims. As I drove the 100 miles to Key West they seemed to be ever more abundant.

Either neat wooden crosses with names, or a small stake with a roundel with names and dates. I think the relatives maintain them as very often they are bedecked with fresh flowers.

This seems so much better than our practice of lashing some dying flowers in polythene to a lamppost along with a note that invariably reads: “Why?”.

Whilst musing on those I began to notice a few signs which, being a pedant and also showing how we are two nations divided by a common language, looked strange to my British eyes...

I enjoyed variously: “Camping site. No camping. Day only”.

A cab company called “Mom's Taxi”.

Also a shop which boasted: “Anthony’s Women’s Clothing”.

“See it all at Woody’s Gentleman’s Club”

I would have thought that you would not be a real gentleman if you were demanding to see “It all.”

Though you probably would be able to have a more thrilling time if you had visited “Doc Syn Laser Surgery” first.

Booked in to a Motel by the beach.

After I checked in I realised that everywhere is by the beach, it is just that some beaches are closer to the main drag than others.

This place isn’t. However, I don’t mind. I am going to sit here for a day or so.

Looking forward to meeting the Dark Lady in Orlando in three days time.

So in the words of the song that I will doubtless play for you as part of “Lester’s Library” when I return:

“No shirt. No shoes. No problem”

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And while you are busy clicking here, there and everywhere, don't forget there is a still an Oddcast for you to download. It is a sort of "best bits of the year so far" type thing to keep you entertained until I get back, there is a new compilation every week in my absence. One more time: click here.